Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Coming Out of My Shell

I will be ready to start my new journal sometime in the next few days.  It is always a happy thing for me to begin a fresh book.  It is rewarding to see that I have filled all those blank pages with multi-colored words.  Sometimes they are really good words, sometimes they are achingly sad words, sometimes they show great joy.  Sometimes my words are wonderful and share exactly what I am feeling and what I know to be true about myself and the world around me.  Sometimes they show just how lost and alone I feel.  But all in all, they tell a story of the 'me' that very few people really know. 

I'm not ready to open my journals to show anyone that 'me', but I am happy to share once in awhile a quick short glimpse into that person.  Most of the time I am all smiles and laughter, trying to be encouraging to all those around me.  Then there are times when I see the frightened little girl who is afraid to share her biggest dreams because they are bigger than she is; bigger than what she can hold in a bread box.  But the frightened little girl is trying so very hard to break free and sing aloud in the grocery store and laugh at the rain and open herself to the fear and excitement of new friendships.  She is trying to bolster herself and become more than she is - more than she has been.  More than other people see.

I want to look down into the stream and see the jewels that lie below the water's surface, embedded in the sand and silt below.  I want to see the jewels of my life, not the dull rocks that I have been seeing in the past.  I want to lift them out of the cold water and polish them until they gleam, reflecting the sun's rays and glittering in my hand.  I want to show people that I can be a precious gem, not just a dull rock.  I am struggling to find the way to do that.  I need to move myself forward and discover the right path for me, where my words make sense and my songs are glorious and filled with joy.  I am searching and trying.  I am wandering and wondering.  I am practicing and praying.  I am moving forward. Even though my feet feel mired in the muck, I am moving forward. 

Want to join me?


  1. This is *such* a beautiful post. I love the idea of the little girl in you singing out loud. I have been trying to think about my "inner child" a lot these past few days (and how she would react to certain situations, what she might choose to do), so that really resonated with me. I love little sparks like that.

    I truly hope everything that you wish (and more) come to be very very soon. I'm definitely looking forward to joining you on this journey!

  2. Keeping a journal has been a practice of mine since I was about 12. I don't go back and read, it's not really for reading but for saying to myself that this was today. Enjoy every moment of your journal keeping, I think it balances us and brings discoveries we would not have if we did not talk to ourselves this way.

    And thank you for visiting my blog. Your blog is lovely, I'll be back.